fettuccini alfredo at 5 am

It has been a few days since getting my wisdom teeth yanked from my face. The pain is still taking a toll on my moneymaker...i mean...my face. I'm still swollen and have the appearance of an 8 year old boy who is a collector of McDonald's happy meal toys. So today I tried again to work at the coffee shop because I need money and I hate sitting around too much. My alarm went off at 4:45 AM. I got up and realized that my face still felt as though a stampede of midgets trampled my face throughout the night. Also, I was starving and the only soft thing I could warm up quick enough to eat before leaving for work was some left-over fettuccine alfredo. I felt like Michael Scott from The Office when he tries to carboload before "racing for the cure for rabies." I do believe that is the earliest I have ever eaten pasta...but it may not be earliest to come...

Wisdom Teeth

Well my epic journey began approximately 2 weeks ago when I called Eagle Oral and Maxillofacial clinic to schedule a consultation to have my wisdom teeth yanked from my face. It was a delightful conversation with Carrie the receptionist and we scheduled the consultation and got it set up for my dentist to send my x-rays over to them.

I arrive to the consultation and to my surprise, hell broke lose that day. The waiting room in this small clinic was packed because the doctor was incredibly backed up on appointments. After waiting for quite some time, I entered the room and sat in the uncomfortable chair. After turning on C-span and pushing the button to recline myself, the doctor came in and began talking faster than I do (which is freakin' impressive) and filled me in what she was going to do in my mouth. She informed me that they barely received my x-rays a minute before the consultation, then she left, and I went to the front desk to schedule a day for surgery.

Julie, the lady at the front desk, was new and had no idea what she was doing. I told her that I wanted oral sedation pills with laughing gas, and that I did not want IV sedation because I am cheap. she said "ok" and scheduled my appointment for the next week. She also said that there was an issue with my insurance and that she would get it figured out and call me asap.

One week later....still no call from Julie. So I took initiative and called Julie several times the day before surgery and she still hadn't taken care of it. Also, Julie had to ask the first two times what I was getting done. I assured her "wisdom teeth extraction with oral sedation and laughing gas."

So after hours of Julie putting it off, she finally called me back and got the insurance figured out.

Surgery day...I arrive early as planned to take the oral sedation pills early. Julie has me sign in and then sign a waiver that explained that it was ok to have IV sedation. holy crap. So I had to tell Julie once again that I was not taking IV Sedation. "oh that's right!" she says very comfortingly. then she says that she is gonna go get the sedation pills at the hospital pharmacy...then she finds out that they have none so my mom and I have to take a trip to albertsons to get the pills ourselves. The grand total for the pills was $7.69 . . .which is weird since they were going to charge me $100 for those pills. I talked to Julie about it and she said I still have to pay $100 for them to monitor me and the whole process...I am really close to shoving the sedation pills into Julie's mouth.

So I finally take the pills and try to relax even though I feel like exploding on everyone in my path due to anger and stress. I am surprised I actually got my wisdom teeth out and not an enema or anything done to my internal organs.

so after the waiting time for the sedation pills and laughing gas to kick in...nothing, I am completely awake and am fully aware of what is going on around me...it was then that the doc decided to give me IV sedation. Me being myself said, "you aren't going to charge me for that are you?" she said no, and I fell asleep.

In the end, I am feeling ok, although I was extremely grouchy early on about the whole process. I haven't seen the bill yet, but I'm sure I will have to help them fix something on it.

Sleepless in San Francisco

I feel like Tom Hanks on so many different levels right now. As I sit here by myself feeling, looking and even smelling rather pathetic in the San Francisco airport in the wee hours of the night, I turn on Norah Jones in my headphones to make my life feel like it is a movie and there is a fitting song to fit my current situation. I like movies like these because there is always a happy ending. I don’t think Norah could play her songs for a movie with a sad ending.

I began my journey in Memphis, Tennessee early this morning in an attempt to trace my way back to Boise, Idaho in hopes to find normalcy. Instead of having a flight pattern that makes sense, United Airlines thought it might be hilarious to send me to Denver, San Diego and San Francisco before getting me to Boise.

While waiting in San Diego during my layover, I heard the muffled, annoyed voice over the loud speaker, “ Flight 6209 is delayed to San Francisco until 6 pm.” This basically translated into, “Hey David, you suck again.” Due to this awesome delay, I was late getting into San Francisco and missed my last leg to Boise. I am stuck in San Francisco International Airport for the night. Just me, Norah, and a few irritated airline employees.

So many possibilities! Yet I just want to sleep, or find carts to make money so I can eat. I can finally see what Tom Hanks had to go through.

On a different note, I have been keeping this whole trip a secret from my girlfriend. Sounds horrible, but it is not. Just an attempt to surprise her. I have been telling her half-truths and about 3 lies for the past 2 days just to keep the suspicion on a low level. You have no idea how hard this is to do with my girlfriend because she is so inquisitive! Every fifteen minutes she asks what I am up to just because she cares about me so much. I give her a response. She says “Why?” Adorable.

As I am about to finish this entry and try to get some sleep on this God forsaken chair, the man pictured above came and sat right next to me and began reading. Keep in mind that there are hundreds of empty chairs in sight in this area. Not to mention that he smells like a foot. I should be pissed, but this is hilarious.

Thank you Tom Hanks, you are a role model.

Valentine's Freakin' Day

<= (balloon string)All I wanted was to get a balloon for Ashley, instead I experienced a ridiculous series of events that led to this epic post.
February 14, 2009: I got off work and darted straight to Wal Mart to get the last few items to finish preparation for a wonderful date to take place later that night. chocolate? check. coke? check. Balloon? frig. "Where are the balloons?" I asked one of the jolly employees. "We are all out," she said while sloshing her gum, "except for that one right there." I whip my head around to see the large print on the balloon that read, "TO MY LOVE BIRD." Perfect. I snagged the balloon and began to walk to my car with a jolly grin. Suddenly a gust of wind arose and blew the balloon off the string! "Look mommy, a balloon!" a little girl said with glee nearby. I hate that little girl. Just kidding, but I was severely irritated at that moment. Long story short, I returned home and filled my parents in on the loss. With a heart for justice, my parents took my receipt and marched back to Wal Mart and demanded a refund. They were victorious. Although the balloon plan flopped, the rest of the night was great, just in case you were wondering. Thanks nature.

Sketchy Lady in Business Clothes

Once upon a time, I was working...at the coffee shop. A lady that looks similar to Hillary Clinton came up to order some food. Her attitude seemed of the arrogant sort. She tried real hard to be professional and classy. In an attempt to be friendly to this lady (aquire a tip) I asked her, "So do you have any fun plans today?" This is usually a safe question to ask since most customers do not like to elaborate about their personal life to any extent. Danger.
She looked up at me, paused for a brief second, and smirked as she replied, "Ya, I actually have a pole dancing class tonight." "What the H?" I thought to myself. She then proceeded in asking me the same question. Without any hesitation, I responded "I am probably going to find a pole dancing class as well." She laughed. I sweat. Don't judge a book by its cover... or a lady by her suit.
...yes that is a picture of the lady.

Skinny Mexican....Mocha

So today, I was at work...at the coffee shop and I was making drinks, like usual. In a rush, I finished making a skinny mexican mocha.
"Skinny Mexican," I yelled out (in an unpolitically correct manner) as I was cut off abruptly by a voice streaming through the chaos, "Right here!"
Lo and behold, the drink was for a skinny Mexican man. Finally, life makes sense.

For those of you that are unfamiliar with coffee lingo, allow me to translate. "Mexican" is a type of chocolate. "Skinny" is another term for non-fat milk.
Until next time...